Polygyny and Me

How to make polygyny work

Posted on: August 22, 2008

Any marriage is hard work… but being married into a polygynist situation is more work.

It takes patience love and understanding. Sometimes we as women are tired of being the understanding one. We feel our husband just doesn’t understand us or maybe even respect us. Sometimes we may feel completely unappreciated and taken for granted….Chances are we are wrong.

If we make a distance between us and our husband… he will make it a bigger distance.

I think we need to look at it from a different view. We need to look at from our husbands perspective… sometimes that is REALLY hard to do when we are totally pissed off at our husband!!  I know for myself… sometimes i just want to go far far away… sometimes I even tell that to my husband! 😛

To be in a marriage as this we have to look through it with understanding….

Ask yourself… what is my husband going through right now??

  • does he have problems at work
  • Is he having problems at his other home… maybe with his other spouse or children…. or other members of his family
  • maybe he is facing financial problems
  • maybe he is having problems in other areas

 

I feel it is our jobs as wives to be there for our husbands no matter what the circumstance is… no matter how big the problem is, there are always solutions especially when we relay on Allah to show us the way.

Our husbands need us…. and we need to be understanding of his problems… in many cases we may not know what is happening in his other household… however, we should be there to lend our support and understanding to him…even if we do not know or understand the problems at hand.

When a man sees a woman that supports him… he will appreciate her and love her more. However, if we are always complaining and grumping about the things he doesn’t do… it will drive him crazy to the point of annoyance. 

I am one to push my husband when i think there is something he needs to do… especially Islamically… however, I try to understand his problems and situation… and try to support him as best i can under the circumstances.  We are our husbands rocks… we need to be with them and stand up with them in any circumstances…. after all, isn’t that what marriage and love is all about…. It shouldn’t matter if he has another wife… it should matter the feeling within our hearts for our husbands….

We need to find the opportunites to be united with our husbands to be close to him… and above all to understand him and what he is going through…. if he sees your loving ways… his love for you will grow and expand.

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2 Responses to "How to make polygyny work"

Hello,

I am a Pastor and I love your practical insights concerning polygyny.

Thank you for such a positive, practical and humorous post. You are correct that if you want more love from your husband, give him more love. If you want more understanding, give more.

Conversely, you are right in that the more distance that you create, the more distance you are likely to get in response.

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