Polygyny and Me

What Allah has said

Posted on: September 11, 2010

Allah, the Most Beneficent, said:

(You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives even if it is your ardent desire (I.e. Emotions of the heart), so do not incline too much to one of them (by giving her more of your time and provision) so as to leave the other hanging (I.e. Neither divorced nor married). And if you do justice, and do all that is right and fear Allah by keeping away from all that is wrong, then Allah is Ever Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful) [4:129]

When we look at this English translation from the Holy Quran, what can we gather from this?

It means, no matter how hard a man tries to be fair to his wives he cannot. But he should not make it obvious so that one woman feels left out… like she is neither divorced or married.

We as wives must encourage and tell our husbands that they must be fair to all wives. We must encourage him. Woe to the wife that is selfish and prevents her husband from being with his other wives. Those wives will also face the punishment on the day of judgment.

Many women say “I want for my sister what I want for myself” but the problem is that they do not mean it. They prevent their husband from spending time or sleeping at the house of their co-wife. This is really a bad way to act to your co-wife. Sometimes, the husband just doesn’t know what to do when this situation arises. I believe a man proves himself a man by his actions. If he sees one of his wives acting like this towards another co-wife, he should just stand up and be a man and say “she is my wife as you are, and she deserves the same treatment as you do” Then he should implement this speech with his actions.

It is human nature for any wife to be jealous. However, the jealousy should not turn into envy and spite. If you love your co-wife or you hate your co-wife, these are the words of Allah (SWT) and are not to be disputed. If you as a co-wife discourage or do not allow your husband to be with your co-wife as he is with you, YOU are sinning.

You must really want for your sister (co-wife) what you want for yourself.  Don’t utter these words unless you mean it.

If I found my husband unfair to my co-wife I would  put him on the straightway.

If a wife really does love and respect her husband, she is not thinking about her selfish needs and desires. She is thinking of what will happen to her husband on the last day… the day of judgment, for those men that have not been fair to their wives will stand in front of Allah with half of their body leaning. No one can help these men on this day. For those women who have encouraged their husband not to be fair to their other wife/wives, they will also face a grave punishment on that day. How will these women stand in front of Allah when he asks them, why did you not allow your husband to be with his other wife or wives? What will their answer be? I, for one, do not want to be asked that question by Allah (SWT). Shouldn’t a woman fear for her husband as well for herself when she meets Allah on that day?

As for the husband, he needs not to listen to any of his wives, only to the words of Allah (SWT) and the prophet Mohammed (SAW). According to the hadiths of the Prophet and the advice  of well known Islamic Sheikhs, it is recommended that the husband spend a day and a night with each wife. The Prophet Mohammed warned of favoritism with wives.

**It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever has two wives and leans towards (i.e. favours) one of them (over the other), will come on the Day of Resurrection with half of his body leaning.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2/242; al-Tirmidhi, 3/447; al-Nasaa’i, 7/64; Ibn Maajah, 1/633; classed as saheeh by al-Haafiz in Buloogh al-Maraam, 3/310, and al-Albaani in Irwaa’ al-Ghaleel, 7/80).

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: He has to treat his wives fairly according to the consensus of the Muslims. In the four Sunans it was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever has two wives…” He has to be fair in his division of time between them. So if he stays with one of them for one night, or two or three, he should stay with the other for the same number of nights, and he should not give preference to one of them in his sharing of his time. (Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 32/269)

Al-Shaafa’i (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “The Sunnah of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and the opinion of the majority of Muslim scholars indicate that a man has to divide his days and nights between his wives [giving each a full day and night], and that he has to be fair in doing so. (al-Umm, 5/158). And he said: I do not know of any (scholarly) disagreement with the view that a man must share his time among his wives and do so fairly. (al-Umm, 5/280).  (**Taken from islam question and answer)

As we can see from the above evidence, that the Islamic sheiks have recommended a day and night for each wife, and it is haraam for the husband not to give these rights to his wife. If a wife feels as if she is not being treated fairly, then she needs to advice her husband on the wrath of Allah and His word against injustice.

It is important for the co-wives to encourage the husband to give the other wife her rights, instead of encouraging him not to do so. The reward for the co-wife will be great. Co-wives should cooperate with each other instead of working against each other.

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4 Responses to "What Allah has said"

Assalaam aleikoem

Love this post sister. You gave some good advice!

I am not strong enough.

I am a 2nd wife.Even though I know I concur his heart. Everyday he told me he loves me but still I am envious.

I am angry at him every times I know he is nice to her (i.e. bring her to oversea trip, buy something nice for her).

I know I should thankful but I cant. I did not fight with her but with husband. Until our husband said why dont u both fight to eachother?? why me?? plz take her HP number to go to fight. hehehe 🙂 He was absolutely right but we did not do so.

When I know how wonderful my husband is, envy comes when imagining of his kindness toward her.

Now we both are crying from the regret and guilty of being such bad wives toward our husband when Allah has taken him back to his creator.

Ya Allah, please allow me to be his wife again in the next world.

very inspiring 🙂

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