Polygyny and Me

The 7 Jewels of a wife….

Posted on: December 12, 2011

Someone sent this to me by email and I thought I would share it… as well as my comments…

1. The Patient
The woman who remains patient in all circumstances,
and never whines, moans and complains.
When some trouble or affliction hits her,
she turns to ALLAH (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) for help.

As difficult as this may seem… I agree with this point. Men really hate when their wife moan and complains… it is our nature. I try not to complain too much. When I don’t complain he wants to be with me more… So I just try to keep my complaints to myself,  or share them with my friends… unless he asks me about some certain circumstance.

2. The Protector
The woman who protects her husband’s wealth
& her chastity when he is away from home.
When he returns , she does not
burden him with the day’s problems ,
but listens attentively to his needs
and does her best to take his tiredness away.

Yes! This is completely right. When my husband comes home,  I listen to his complaints and I try to laugh and joke with him to take away his worries…

3. The Lover
The women who adores her husband
& craves for his children
to the extent that whenever her
husband glances at her,
Du’aa pours for her from the bottom of his heart.

No Comment is needed. If a woman does adore her husband, then she must think about why she is married to him.

4. The Do-Gooder
The women who has an excellent reputation in society
– for being kind, caring & courteous to all.
She is good with her neighbors &
relatives & never backbites or displays jealousy.

Absolutely… It is important to be kind to your neighbors and avoid backbitting… if you can not say what you want to the persons face, then you should not say it at all. I find the ladies and men that are backbitting are the ones that are full of jealousy or envy. My mother used to say to us “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all” this is the rule everyone should follow.

5. The Content
The women who never casts her eyes at material things
and is content with whatever little her husband gives her.
She is thankful to him for every morsel
that he feeds her, every clothe that he gives her ,
including the roof over her head.
She makes her gratefulness known to him in words & action
and thus, soothes her husband’s heart.

Our husband’s work hard for the things they do give us. We should thank them for what they have given to us from their heart. We should not tell them we dont like this or that… we should say thank you honey… If there is something else we want that our husband can not afford to give to us, we can save up the money bit by bit and buy it ourselves. I try not to demand of my husband to buy things for me. I try to buy the things I want myself.  I dont want to burden him with things i know he can not afford. So if i see something i want, i try to save up for that thing, until i can buy it myself.

6. The Pious
The women who spends much of her day in Dhikr,
tilaawat-e Qur’an & Salaah and her nights in praying Tahajjud
& crying to ALLAH (Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala) for forgiveness.
She encourages her husband to give Daw’ah in his spare time.

No Comment needed here either… This is something that we should be doing as Muslims.

7. The Sweet Smiler
The woman who smiles excessively…
esp. when her husband is at home.
She always talks gently that it seems that pearls
are dripping from her mouth.
She never raises her voice while talking to her husband.
If her husband is angry with her for some reason
& shouts at her, she does not answer him back
but maintains a dignified silence.
When he has calmed down, she offers him cool water
& apologizes to him even if she wasn’t at fault…

This is the hardest to do of all the categories! Sometimes we know he is wrong and no way we want to say sorry. I have found its just easier to say sorry and then talk about it later when he brings it up… ( yes ladies, he will probably bring it up later) Then when we have a chance to talk and he understands sometimes, i will even get an apology… (notice the word SOMETIMES!)

In an argument its hard to keep quiet and calm. But if both parties are fighting, no solution can be reached. It is better to keep quiet and wait for him to cool down and relax. Because if he is angry there is no way to come to a solution. Once he has calmed down (or the white tornado has gone…LOL) then you can talk about it in a calm manner so a solution can be made.  When I talk about it and I see my husband getting upset again. I stop and say something like” why are you getting upset honey…. we are only talking to find a solution” when I use sweet words like honey, sweetie or something of that nature… It relaxes him, and we can continue the conversation.

And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your [hearts] …
{Ar-Rum,30:21}

Narrated Abu Huraira: “The Prophet, peace be upon him, said, `A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty, and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman [otherwise] you will be a loser.'”

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12 Responses to "The 7 Jewels of a wife…."

Mashaa Allah beautiful.. please allow me to share..jazakillahu khair.

Mashaa’ Allaah! that is beautiful indeed. I loved reading it and will be sharing it too. Jazak’ Allaah Khair dear ukhti.

Mashaallah, this is very wonderful and very beautiful. Thank you, we all need the reminder. May Allah(swt) bless you for this.

(im also a muslim girl btw! so please dont think im a troll sis)
first of all i would like to say these are very nice things but i just do not agree with the last one where women have to act like a silent little robot when their husband is the one wrong! i think its best to explain to him that i wasnt the one who was wrong. im sorry sister, but i find this a bit offending. if your husband still yells at you when you do all of the above then ….Subhanallah.
when i get married (im still in my early teens) but when i do, me and my husband will be as equal as we can. as in when we get into an argument, no one gets the upper hand of be quiets like a lamb…:/ that just feels like someones stepping on my honor or something.
how come there isnt a list of a jewels for men and how theyre supposed to act??

My dear Aisha, i used to think exactly that way….I was and still am the sort who never can stand inequality. But I have learned one thing…-it took many years before i finally realised and accepted this fact-… Men have huge egoes. If you want to win the argument, be patient…let his ego win the battle and he’ll think he’s won the war. Later on, use your wisdom, maturity and charm to make him change his mind without him even realising it. See, women are smarter than men. No one is telling you to act like a robot…but to use your intelligence. If you use the man’s way of battling it out, you’ll end up damaging his ego and wounding his pride but you’ll never truly win. A man with a wounded pride is a man with no self-esteem. We are made differently from men for very good reasons. Understand your strengths as a woman and use that advantage to win over you man’s respect and admiration.

Assalamo ‘alaykom wr wb sister,

Please take this as sincere advice from my heart, from one sister to another – one of the most important things a person can do to help their marriage succeed, is never, never (except in extreme cases like violence/infidelity/etc.) to focus on what the *other* person is doing wrong, or the list of qualities *they* should be reading. Believe me, there is plenty of advice out there directed at Muslim husbands – Allah simply guided you to the one you needed 😉 Always, always, always, even if the issue that arises is 101% your spouse’s fault, ask yourself what you can do to diffuse the situation, even if it involves, like the sister wrote, apologizing when you’re not in the wrong, or remaining silent when the other is displaying anger. It’s one of the most difficult things to do, because it requires completely humbling oneself, but this is what marriage takes, on both sides. And it’s not some submission thing for the women only, it’s for the men as well, but we must always focus on our part of the equation. For every time you back down and let him be angry and cool off, there is a time that he has done the same for you, and you simply haven’t noticed it. Avoid superlatives when you’re upset, “he ALWAYS does ABC”, or “he NEVER says XYZ” – they’re simply not true, though we so easily fall into that way of thinking when we’re annoyed. Before I got married, I thought very much as you wrote above – I was much more naive probably, I thought when my husband got angry, I could just kiss him, or wear something attractive, and he would forget about it, you know. Doesn’t work that way. At all. Marriage is the best thing you’ll ever do in your life, but it’s also by far the most difficult, and requires humbling yourself, and sacrificing, and putting the other person first, every. single. day. And it’s mind-bogglingly hard to do – we imagine it as being very easy before marriage, we imagine being always in love with our husband, and putting him first seems so lovely and romantic, why should it be difficult? But though there will be wonderful moments and hours of love and romance, and feeling totally at peace with the other person, and ready to do anything for them, there will be just as many, and more, times when they frustrate and anger you with their selfishness and ungratefulness and so on. That’s why marriage is half your deen – it shapes and polishes you daily into a more humble, more giving, more selfless person, like the sister described in her post above, but it’s going to put you through many nights of crying, and many days of brokenheartedness, to do so. It’s in those moments – and they will be many – that dhikr is most important, remembering that your ultimate goal is to worship your Creator, remembering that He will reward your patience, and remembering the kind of advice that the sister shared above, and focusing on changing yourself, and trusting Allah to deal with your husband, and guide him to that same humility, and selflessness. May He bless you with a husband that will bring you closer to Him, and increase your imaan daily.

For the sister that posted this article, jazakAllahu khayran – it was a reminder I very much needed at the moment. 🙂

Thank you sister. May Allah bless you and your children.

My dear sister Aisha, it is because you are young, but still wisdom is not limited to the old, the last part is not a woman acting like a robot by keeping quite even when your husband is wrong, it is a smart woman who knows when to keep quite to win an argument and a smarter one that calmly make her husband do what she wants without making him feel like a fool, remember no man stays married to a woman who makes him feel like a fool. There is no equality in marriage only patners

Ma shaaa allah sis very well written Jazak`allah khair for sharing with us

Mashallah!

Oh sister, would you allow me to share this on my blog? I would, of course, mention that it has come from your site.

Jazakallah kheir.

yes you may share

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