Polygyny and Me

About Me

June 15th, 2008

I am an American Muslim living in Oman. I was married to an Omani for 18 years before we divorced.  When we divorced I actually didn’t know what to do….

However three years ago I met the most wonderful man that I love. He is my husband… he is the most amazing man… I love him more everyday. I love him more everytime I look into his eyes…

Does he have another wife… YES…

But that doesn’t matter to me. Because i see him as the most wonderful man. He has done so many things for us.

He is helping to raise my four children, he teaches them right from wrong. Maybe he is not here all the time, but one thing i can say about that is that I always look forward to  seeing him. I always am excited when he comes through that door….

He is absolutely the most wonderful man alive…. well, in my eyes anyway….. i dont think i could ever find an man that matches me like my sweet dear husband does…

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17 Responses to "About Me"

mash’Allah!

Assalam Alaikum,
Just really need to talk with another sister. I am the first wife. I agreed with my lovely husband to take a second wife. It has been several years with the second wife. As of today it is still very painful for me. I cry alot. Especially when he is away. Over this past year I have changed and is trying to not let my jealous feelings get in the way. For awhile I was doing good. i was feeling very happy. Like getting back to being my old self again. But somthing happen that has taken me so far back that now I am having a hard time regaining myself. I think to much. I have to many visions of them together. Right now I do not wish to speak or see my cowife. This part is very easy because she lives in another country. I can’t shake this feeling of I don’t like her any more. My husband always say the most wonderful things to me. I get a bad feeling in my stamach and in my chest. I do not wish to talk to him about it. I am trying with the help of Allah(saw) to get me thru this. Today I cried. I don’t know what to think or do. I tell my husband I don’t want to be far fom him anymore. How can this be? and I can’t right now forgive fully what happened. The picture is do clear in front of my face. The only thing that I know how to do is cry and pretend that I am OK.
I just want to share my feelings with other sisters that can give me feedback on my feelings.
Thank you pain101

I really feel for you, sister. May Allah lift you out of this despair and grant you true happiness soon. But a question, why did you agree to his taking a second wife in the first place if you weren’t strong enough to mentally go through this? For the time being, I will say that you need to go out and do things – pursuing hobbies, charity work, gaining new knowledge…etc…discover what really makes you happy (apart from being with him) and which will make you feel independent and empowered. Set a goal…mine (after my divorce) was to run a marathon – the months preparing for it was therapeutic. Happiness doesn’t come from another person. It begins from inside you. Good luck, sister.

May Allah give you and your family khair in dunya and akhira 🙂

I Ask Allah to bless you and for praising your husband and your live with him.

Masha’Allah… I really liked this entry!

thanks everyone for your comments…. 🙂

MaashaaAllaah Sister!
Your experience is a great picture and reply to USA and like…
May Allaah make this life and the hereafter more happier 4u.

salam! very nice blog my dear sister in deen…. 🙂
wa salam

Slm! How did you meet your wonderful husband?

Mashalla.. I’m in the search for my second wife.. I hope I can find someone like u!

May Allah bless u sister & give u all what u deserve in this life & the next.

Masha’ALLAAH.

May ALLAAH (Azza wa Jal) continue to bless and protect you and your family. Aameen.

Dear sister 101, (I will not call you pain) , it is heart breaking when a man shares is love between two women, you must understand that men are not as emotional as we women and can love two women for different reasons,
I am in a polygamous marriage too and ve come to realize that the only way is to forgive , I’ll advice that you make an effort to know the other lady and find things you like about her, don’t dwell on her relationship with your husband because it not a competition, look on the bright side of the situation by counting Allah blessings and you will realized it could have been worst , after all I always say to people am happy this is the tial I have from my God, Allahmadullah it not Cancer or any other life theatening desease , tears don’t solve any problem, thinking only makes it worse. Prayers and faith is the only balm to ease the pain.
Trust in Allah my good sister, it may be dark now, the dawn has never failed, it always brings with it light.
May Allah touch you where you are most hurting , and renew your mind and relationship with your husband and co-wife to be more accepting of the situation , Amin.

As Salaamu alaikum,
MashaAllah, I too am a co-wife to a beautiful man. I love him dearly!! and I love my co-wife too, MashaAllah.
This is a much neglected Sunnah!!!!
One thing that has always helped me get past any pangs of jealousy is remembering that when and IF we make it to Jannah (may Allah have mercy and grant us the highest of jannah) is that there will never be another ill feeling so remain patient and accepting.

May Allah guide us all!

Ameen

Asalamu alikum sis … ma shaa allah on your blog … i myself am a first wife and my husband is taking a second and in the middle of it now so in shaa allah soon she will join our family … i love to read other lives and the what polygyny has been for them … i’m really looking forward to reading more form you

Dear Sister, As Salaam Alaikum
To whom it may concern

I came across your website and would like to know if my team is allowed to use texts from your website to implement them into our one.

Mainly we are interested in using this complete section:

https://hoffie1.wordpress.com/2011/12/12/the-7-jewels-of-a-wife/

and

https://hoffie1.wordpress.com/beauty-tips-for-sisters/

The complete texts and its German translation will be used in our matrimonial site as an advice section.

Please let me know if you need further Information or if you grant us the permission or not.

Awaiting your answer soon I remain.

Thanks for your feedback.

Salaam and Regards

Ahmed

Yes, it would be fine. Just make sure to put a link to my blog.

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