Polygyny and Me

It is Saturday Morning

Its Saturday Morning and I woke up with the cats sprawled across my bed… I realized then that my husband was not here… He was with the other wife. I woke up with feelings of loneliness within my heart.  I got up and prayed Fajr and started to wake up my children.

I went and woke up the girls to pray and then to the boys. The boys I have to practically pull  out of bed by their toes… but eventually they did wake up…. “Get up, and go to wudu” I shouted at my 16 year old… “Aww mom, can’t I pray later?” was his response. He knows the answer to that before he even asks.

I went down stairs to fix myself some coffee and sat reading the Hadiths for the  next forty-five minutes. After which I went to my daughters room to retrieve my Quran that she had been reading the night before, and sat for another hour reading the Quran(in English) then another 30 minutes listening to the tape I have of Sheik Abdul Basit.

Then it hit me, the nights that my husband Nabil is with me, I can not have these moments to myself… to mediate and to read. I do this on the days he is not here. As soon as he is up…. its honey i want my tea, Where is this… where is that??

Al-Humdilah for that first wife, because I have my time alone where i can pray as much as i feel i need to… where i can meditate as much as I need to. And I don’t need to do anything for him on those days. I am FREE!  I can go out with my friends to a movie or I can go to a halaqa if i wish… its my reflection time.

I don’t doubt for even one second that he loves me- Because he does and he calles me 20 times a day when he is not with me and the text messages are massive. So much so that sometime they drive me batty. He is a wonderful man.

Sometimes, when people find out that my husband has two wives… they ask me how could I get myself into that situation….. and I am thinking “what situation are they talking about?” I am happy with my husband- He does everything for me.  I love and adore my husband and he loves and adores me as well…. and alhumdulilah I have a husband. Many women do not.

I have friends that only wish to have a husband. As one of them told me that all the good ones are taken… that may be true. However, if they are Muslims they are still available for marriage if they want that situation. I see many single women roaming around looking for men and looking for the Haraam… so what is better? To go for the Haraam or for a man that has a wife to marry you?  I would say the latter. Its a sad situation of the immoral era we are in today, as predicted in the Quran. Polygyny is a way to ease the immorality of today.

I do indeed miss him when i wake up in the morning… However, I also realize it is that which keeps our marriage strong. I do not think i could deal with Nabil as an only wife. He is very picky and very needy. I would never have the time i need to myself  if that was the case.  All I can say is Al-Humdulilah for the other wife!


3 Responses to "It is Saturday Morning"

masha’Allah! This is Intisar we are chatting right now 🙂

Masha Allah I am so glad to read this. I feel that Allah(saw) has again opened my eyes to see this post. Right now I feel that I am not alone. There has been many times I was just wishing to hear or talk to another sister about what is going in their hearts. Having a heart is very hard. But, yes Allah makes it easy and cleans and clears the heart. This post is right on target about what I am going through right at this moment. My hushand is with is his other wife. So like you said this is the time for me. It is very lonely at night.
And yes I do talk to him so often like he has never left. He is a wonderful man, father and husband. He tells me the most wonderful things when he is gone. I try by best to eat every word he says so I can survive this seperation. This makes the bond we have so strong. This I love so very much. We have such a great bond that i know he we will never have with his second wife. This jealous thing right now feels like it is going out the window. I hope that it stays out the window. I know that if my husband knew right now that I am writing this he would be upset me. I have to admit this is what is helping me right now. I want to always stay with my husband in this life and Inshallah in the after life. I want to be happy for my childern and my husband and for myself. I know that the evil with every chance it gets, gets in your heart and your mine. Masha Allah, Masha Allah,Allah is great. This is something Allah has written for us. And I believe this Saturday Morning post was written for me to read and feel 100 percent better about my life with my husband. Just sometimes I wish that I had a sister voice that I could talk to about this when I feel that the days or nights are hard. But, I do believe that after this writing I will have no more tears Inshallah.
Wishing to talk to you more. You have helped me so much today.
May Allah(saw) bless you and your family. Today 10/26/2011,
I don’t know you,but thank you.

I would love to talk to sisters who are willing to discuss this subject openly and honestly and with love and compassion, Insha Allah.

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