My Fight with Islam

I had a fight… a fight with Islam. This is about me rediscovering my faith… with the help of  the man I love… my husband.

I got married to my ex-husband very young. I was only 19 and just barely out of high school. I had been studying islam a little and had found the subject interesting. I found that it was something I did believe within my and within my heart.

I starting wearing hijab about a year after i converted, with the help and insistence of some Malaysian women my husband had introduced me to.

The years went by… I found myself in Oman with 4 children and in the middle of a divorce… I was alone. I started to get to know myself again. The first thing that was to go was my hijab and abiah. I was free… so I thought.

I started to go on with my life…. My life was confused… It seemed something was missing, but i did not know what it was… i was aching for something… but i could not put my finger on it…
I met a wonderful man through a friend and got married again…. with him i found a great partner and a great friend…. but marriage was not what was missing… it was something else. I found myself always depressed and not knowing what to do… my husband was supportive and was always there with a joke to try and cheer me up… but he too didnt know what he could do to really make me happy.

He told me one day…it was ramadan, “I remember when i used to see you with your ex-husband ( they were from the same area) You used to always wear hijab…. maybe you should think about this again…”

Once he said that, I knew what was missing in my life… it was ISLAM…. what had happened to me…? why had i blamed Islam for my divorce and my failed life? ISLAM had nothing to do with it. It was my lack of faith…

I started to rejoin all my islamic groups and started to read… I started to wear hijab again… this time for myself. I started to discover what islam means to me… what halal and haram mean to me…. what the absence of ISLAM did to my life…

I started to pray again and started to talk to all my sisters again… i found when i started in embrace islam in my life my life started to turn around.  I really started to see that Islam was away of life, but not only a way of life a way of thinking. When i started to really feel islam again within my heart… i started to always think in the positive way. When there is a problem… I can see the answer is around the corner… because Allah is the one that will take me by the hand and guide me to that answer.

Now when my husband starts to get down and doesnt know what to do… i can tell him with full  confidence, “don’t worry about it honey…. Allah will show us the way” and when i say that i have true belief with in myself that Allah will solve the problem what ever it is.

I think because of my strong faith i now have, that this has made my relationship with my husband stronger because we can support each other through Islam…. and when ever Allah’s name is mentioned it makes you stronger because you know he is always there for you… and when you REALLY believe within your soul, you know he will be there for you more.

My husband and I have face alot of problems… not so much in our relationship but with our business and we have found that Allah has been with us every step of the way…. taking us by the hand and guiding us. I do not think this would be the  case if my husband had not shown me the way back to islam…. Al-humdulilah for my husband and Al-humdulilah for my sweet sisters that have picked my up along the way of my journey back to my faith… ( you know who you are… 🙂 )

It was a long hard road of self-discovery… but Allah knows best… al-humdulilah for everything.